source: The Mighty
I sat there and stared at the pill in my hand. How could one little pill cause so much anxiety? I had swallowed a thousand pills, been on dozens of medications. But this pill was different. I knew that by taking this pill, I was signing a contract. I went to my husband, and started to cry. I fought so long for this option, but now that it was there, I reconsidered everything: did I really want to do this?
I am what you would call an interesting patient. Mitochondrial disease, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, and all their friends are illnesses I am far too familiar with. Chronic pain is my life — a ruthless dictator that controls my every move. Many a night I have sat up sobbing; a joint has dislocated in my sleep, or my nerves were sending fire through my body. My illnesses have taken so much — my ability to go to school, to work, to have a social life, even to do basic things, like sleep. I have tried every treatment available to find something to ease it, from physical therapy to acupuncture to meditation and biofeedback, all of which give little to no relief for me. Constant pain is unbearable. It is a nightmare you cannot ever wake up from.